


i got to tell you (what's up)

by herzen



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Drunken Confessions, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, how2tag omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8477041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herzen/pseuds/herzen
Summary: Junhui calls it Soonyoung Kwon, Adapting. Jeonghan calls it Coping With Emotions, the Kwon Soonyoung Way. Jihoon calls it Soonyoung's Elaborate Mate Call.





	

That one time Soonyoung was going through the roughest days of the term, flitting from classroom to classroom taking exams and trying not to burst into tears every after lecture, Wonwoo had pulled him aside and said "We need to talk" to which Soonyoung had subsequently nearly fainted from. Soonyoung’s lungs were failing to comprehend the _fucking breathe_ signals his brain had been so adamant at shoving to the forefront of his exhausted mind. It was about a stupid bet Wonwoo and Jihoon had made, what Wonwoo wanted to talk about. Did Soonyoung want in?

Fuck, Soonyoung had replied, nearly sobbing out of relief, Fuuuuuuck. Don’t ever say that again.

For months after Soonyoung’s almost-panic attack Wonwoo had made sure to never open with that sentence ever again. Was it Wonwoo's weirdly serious tone? No, it was light and casual. Soonyoung was just undergoing coffee-induced hysteria, what with looming responsibilities and all.

"Stop teasing Mingyu about me," Wonwoo says now, straight to the point. He doesn't even say hi,  just plops down on the empty seat across Soonyoung, brows settled in a tiny frown. Really tiny it doesn't even look like he's actually frowning, just bored and sleepy. Soonyoung knows better.

"Hello to you, too,"

"Hi," Wonwoo smiles, a little, before he slips back to his tiny frown. "Seriously, stop it."

“But I don’t, though?” Just yesterday Soonyoung called Mingyu over to tell him he's got his back, full support, his friend might be the most affection-allergic person he's ever met but he was sure given a decade, give or take, he'd learn to know what Love Really Is. Especially with a young guy like you, tall, dark, and not to mention, really handsome, he'd be blind to not--"Stop being mean!" Mingyu had yelled, his entire face as red as the hoodie he was wearing. It was Wonwoo's, Soonyoung's second thought. His first was a resounding What the fuck? he'd never admit to. 

"Bullshit," Wonwoo says, but his tone isn't unkind, just disappointed. Soonyoung would relish in achieving the feat that is eliciting a reaction from his usual stoic if it weren't for the context. “Are you not aware that Jihoon actually tells me this stuff?" What an unnecessarily complicated path, then: from Mingyu to Minghao to Junhui to Jihoon to Wonwoo. Amazing.

"I won't tease Mingyu again," Soonyoung finally says, but only because he's got an exam in an hour and Wonwoo doesn't seem like he'd let Soonyoung off so easily this time. He has an uncanny ability to be ridiculously stubborn when he wants to, and while Soonyoung would indulge him 99% of the time, the 1% still exists. He raises a hand to mock-pledge, to which Wonwoo just snorts to, rolling his eyes. "I promise,"  

"Bullshit," Wonwoo says again. 

 

*

 

Junhui calls it Soonyoung Kwon, Adapting. Jeonghan calls it Coping With Emotions, the Kwon Soonyoung Way. Jihoon calls it Soonyoung's Elaborate Mate Call. 

(Seungcheol doesn't call it anything, but he tells Soonyoung, "Stop screwing around, I'm serious," Seungcheol actually uses his Dad voice, the almost-threatening one, the one he uses for when you so much as ignore his daily, boring anecdotes. Soonyoung snorts internally because he knows Seungcheol plays favorites; Wonwoo's up there in the list with pickled radish and Jihoon, who sometimes is taken out for being mean and then put on again for being hardworking and being less-mean.)

Soonyoung would say Shut the fuck up, Jihoon, but everybody knows he isn't so much capable as he isn't just the type of person to lash out on his friends. So instead he says, "It's not that elaborate, Jihoonie,” because as much as Jihoon enjoys laughing at his expense, the fun just undeniably lessens when Soonyoung actually plays along with it. 

"I'm watching out for Wonwoo for him," Jihoon replies coolly, always ready with his own brand of well thought out retorts. “Seungcheol-hyung told me to tell him if you've been Bad," 

Jihoon smirks, realises what he'd said, and grimaces. Soonyoung grimaces with him.

"Let's not use Seungcheol-hyung’s name and that word in the same sentence ever again,"

 

*

 

Wonwoo calls it An Accident, I Didn't Mean To, Let's Forget It Ever Happened.

 

*

 

The next days Soonyoung gets swamped with midterms of half of the courses he'd taken for the term. By the end of the fourth midterm exam he's had to take in three consecutive days everybody’s convinced he’s walking hallways half-dead. The most sleep he’s had are the minutes he waits as Seokmin makes them dinner, not counting the time he spends suspended against the wall in their bathroom when he’s taking a shower. 

Now he’s practically sleeping against the counter, body in such an uncomfortable position one push could send him sprawling on the floor. Seungkwan's nice enough to ask customers to move to the other unoccupied counter—sorry my friend's had a bad week we're pretty sure he's passed out thank you very much for your understanding—and Seungcheol's stationed himself near him so he'd be at arm's reach if he starts listing. 

This is what Soonyoung falls asleep to: the sound of sympathetic one-liners from customers who knew what dying felt like, and Seungcheol's soft humming as he fixed drinks. 

He wakes up to (embarrassingly quickly, Seungkwan would unnecessarily note later when asked about) Wonwoo's voice. "Is this Soonyoung?"

"Yes, it's me," he replies immediately, sitting up properly so quickly he could actually feel blood drain from his brain. He squints up at him, partially blind as sunspots take over his vision. His vision goes back to him little by little after some pained blinks. Amidst the sting, he sees Wonwoo smiling down at him, amused.

"You okay?" he asks gently, a hand pushing down Soonyoung's probably unruly fringe. His hand slides down his forehead, covers his eyes, and rests there. When Soonyoung closes his eyes he feels his eyelashes touch skin, oddly comforting. He's awake now more than ever.

"No," It's an honest answer. Around him there are shuffling, some distant clicking sounds from the cashier, and a cheery, "Here, hyung!" from Seungkwan. Wonwoo removes his hand to take the proffered drink, and Soonyoung doesn't open his eyes just yet.

And then it comes: Wonwoo's hand is back, patting down his hair. “Aw, poor tired Soonyoungie,”

"Yes, poor me,"  

When it finally feels painless enough to open his eyes, he catches Wonwoo’s mouth say, "Wanna come over?" 

 

*

 

"I read 5 paragraphs," Jihoon announces the moment Soonyoung steps into their living room. Jihoon sees him, says, "Oh, hi," and repeats once Wonwoo's stepped out of Soonyoung's shadow, "I read 5 paragraphs,”

Wonwoo narrows his eyes suspiciously at him. Soonyoung settles on the only clear space on the floor, surrounded by tons of highlighted paper and coffee cups. There's a box of pizza by his right; it's empty, when he opens it, but when he turns back there's a plate proffered to his face, like magic.

"Here, if you're hungry," Wonwoo is saying, eyes on their TV.

He’s not hungry, not really, but the gesture satiates something inside him all the same. It’s simple, mindless, and yet Soonyoung realises: they’re okay now, him and Wonwoo. Sort of. Months ago after Wonwoo turned the corner to disappear into the cold summer night he’d thought whatever they had was gone forever. Irredeemable. 

On screen Jihoon picks Link, Wonwoo picks random and gets Villager. Soonyoung would ask, except he's shoved half of the pizza in his mouth by the time the countdown's ended. Jihoon wastes no time to immediately throw a bomb at Wonwoo, sending Wonwoo flying. Wonwoo whispers "Shit," and floats away.

They play through five matches, with 3 stocks each. Jihoon rotates between using Link, Shiek, and Dark Pit, while Wonwoo always picks random and laughs through the first few seconds of him trying to understand how to use them. At one point Wonwoo gets Duck Hunt, apparently his main, and the entire 3 minutes he floats around, lands to hit, and goes back to flying. Jihoon's pissed by the second life he loses, and Wonwoo giggles through his mantra of colorful curses every time Jihoon jumps up and never have his attacks connect.

Jihoon wins 4 times out of 5, in the end. He loses the last one, his Dark Pit falling to his death as Wonwoo's Duckhunt taunts at the edge of the platform. 

"We play a match per paragraph he finishes reading," Wonwoo finally explains. Jihoon goes back to his readings, grumbling about unfair floating times and weight. The controller he's used lies on the coffee table, distracting. Soonyoung reaches for it automatically. 

In a span of almost two hours Soonyoung has managed to: 1) fall off the stage a total of 17 times in one battle, his Charizard charging after enemies only to plummet to its death; 2) use Link and Hi-Yah! his way to victory; and 3) have Wonwoo laugh so hard he cries against the back of Soonyoung's shoulder while Jihoon mercilessly fires at him with Thoron every time his Toon Link lands on the stage. He'd win if he spams Hi-Yah's again, he's sure (he won't), but his Toon Link's lost 3 lives already before the one minute's up and Jihoon's unrelentingly cruel even against a beginner and then there's Wonwoo laughing into his skin and there are hands gripping his thighs and there's hair tickling his chin and there's warmth against his side and there's the added weight of what this means looming over his being—

By the end Jihoon's not done with half of his readings, but his mood's gone up by a mile. Wonwoo recovers from his fit a good minute after Soonyoung finishes mock-complaining about Jihoon's lack of sportsmanship and _Why do you never let me fucking land_?s but really, there's nothing stopping him from pushing Wonwoo's head off his thighs. Jihoon sees Wonwoo rise from where he's crumpled up, and is not discreet about raising a brow.

"Not a word, Jihoonnie," Soonyoung whispers once Wonwoo's stood up to get them tea. Soonyoung stands to help him, but not before squinting his eyes at Jihoon. "Not a word."

Jihoon snorts, mouths _Im telling this to Seungcheol-hyung_ , and before Soonyoung pounces on him for being indignant brat Wonwoo's voice beckons, "Ya, you helping me or what?

"I'm coming, I'm coming,"

Jihoon snickers against the papers he's holding. Soonyoung mimes a pitcher and throws the nearest throw pillow at his face.

 

*

 

Mingyu looks properly scandalized, entire body leaned toward the side so he could bolt, but his face is toward Soonyoung, like the infuriatingly polite kid he is. The kind Wonwoo finds adorable, the kind Soonyoung doesn't think twice about taking advantage of. 

"Why are you so tall? Don't you know Wonwoo resents people taller than him? It hurts his man-pride, or something," Soonyoung drawls, not missing the way Mingyu's foot slides just an inch. He grins. "It's okay, though. He likes your--" Here he makes general hand movements even he wouldn't be able to elaborate if asked, and before he opens his mouth to continue tormenting Mingyu there's a hand around the bend of his arm, pulling him back. 

Soonyoung whips his head around in alarm, sees Seungcheol, and whips his head back in fear. Mingyu's gone, and Soonyoung curses his stupid long legs and the speed they lend him. 

"Stop doing that," Seungcheol kind of growls, pinching Soonyoung's cheeks. Soonyoung yelps and follows along as he's pulled by the arm. His cheek's red when he sees his reflection in a nearby window; from Seungcheol's pinch or from the mortifying fact that someone he's close to had seen him in the act, during one of his lows, he doesn't really know. 

They find Jihoon eventually. Seungcheol sits beside him and motions for Soonyoung to follow suit, a feat he wouldn't have done if Soonyoung hadn't zeroed in on the nearest exit as soon as they entered the cafeteria. Seungcheol's so annoyingly perceptive when it comes to these things, like an actual predator, what the fuck.

"How was it?" Jihoon asks Seungcheol, context lost to Soonyoung. He reaches over to steal a fry when Jihoon's distracted.

"Like a child," Seungcheol says, and then Jihoon cheers, an actual non-ironic WHOOP! leaving his mouth unabashedly. Soonyoung's more lost than ever but at least he's got Jihoon's plate all to himself now.

"Seokmin owes me money," Jihoon explains, grinning. The grin falls; he sees the empty plate and curls in on himself, looking like he's ready to pounce on Soonyoung and claw at his neck. He doesn't, though. Not when Seungcheol's got an arm around shoulders, holding him back. 

"Why?" asks Seungcheol, casually producing a wrapped up burger from his bag and placing it in front of Jihoon. Jihoon eyes it suspiciously, unmoving.

"What? It's good." Seungcheol says, finally letting Jihoon go completely and producing another burger. It's not good, Soonyoung knows. It's the burger everybody hated but Seungcheol seemed particularly fond of, for some reason. Discreetly, Jihoon pushes the burger away. 

“Anyway,” Jihoon says, pinning Soonyoung with his narrowed eyes. “Tell Seokmin I need the money before the day ends,”

When Soonyoung doesn’t do anything but stare back in confusion, Jihoon elaborates, “We made a bet. He bet on you actually threatening Mingyu, but I said you’d probably just act like a kid. I won.” 

“Did you see the fear in his face? I was totally scaring him, Jihoon,” Soonyoung’s offended more by the fact that he thinks he wasn’t threatening than by the bet. Jihoon’s has an unhealthy obsession with bets. Soonyoung’s pretty sure he has a bet going on with whoever about Soonyoung’s lack of romantic tact, but he’s been busy playing Mingyu he hasn’t asked around to know what it was about. 

“Actually, no,” Seungcheol drawls, reaching for the burger Jihoon pushed away.

Soonyoung feels his cheeks warm. There really isn’t anything he could say to make it seem less true.

“You've got to stop doing that,” Seungcheol continues. That, as in annoying Mingyu. That, as in using Mingyu as a release from whatever pent up frustration he has with Wonwoo. That, as in being an ass. Soonyoung waits for Seungcheol to add more, but he doesn’t say anything about it further. Then, as if remembering something, he lights up. “Oh yeah, you coming on Friday?”

Friday is Minghao’s birthday. Soonyoung’s last midterm is on Thursday and he’s lost a year worth of sleep studying for it in the past nights already. Of course, he’s coming. 

Seungcheol notes his apparent change in mood, and grins. “Cool,” 

“Mingyu’s coming,” Jihoon adds, watching amusedly as Soonyoung’s face closes off. 

“Why’s he there?” It comes out way harsher than he intends it to be, but only because he’s still horribly embarrassed. 

“Minghao’s friend, you idiot. Also he’s been pretty close with Seokmin recently, did you know?”

Soonyoung did know. He’d asked Seokmin about Mingyu more times than he’d like to admit since Jeonghan told him about his stupid crush. Was he nice? Did he smell? Why’s he taking up such a weird major, I saw Minghao almost kill him the morning was that normal, did Wonwoo like him back? 

“Hyung,” Seokmin had frowned, placing both hands on Soonyoung’s shoulder. “I think we both know the answer to that.” Trust Seokmin to be annoyingly obtuse when Soonyoung didn’t feel confident enough of the answer to probe him further. “And also he smells great.”

Soonyoung’s phone lights up, vibrating. _jihoon told me about ur cuddle the other night ;)_ is what the message says.

“You told Jeonghan-hyung?” Soonyoung yells, feeling cold all over. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, but this is Jeonghan and his uncanny ability to bring this shit up at any gathering in a tone that spoke only of the truth, even if he’d modified the whole thing. There wasn’t even any cuddling involved, Soonyoung realises belatedly. Just Wonwoo’s head precariously placed near his crotch, his shoulders shaking as Soonyoung screamed at Jihoon over his body, and the warmth that’s spread and refused to go away, even as he’s stood up when he recovered. 

Jihoon smirks, phone in hand. He points to his empty plate. 

“Told Jeonghan what?” Seungcheol asks.  

Not the first time that afternoon, Soonyoung wants to cry.

 

*

 

"I have the goods," Soonyoung announces loudly to Joshua’s stricken face when he opens the door. He'd been expecting Jeonghan, not Joshua, who jumped at his voice in shock. “Sorry," Soonyoung says sheepishly as he watches Joshua places a hand to his chest, getting his breathing back to normal.

"It's okay," he finally says, eyes crinkling. He reaches a hand out to help Soonyoung with his "goods". Goods, as in the largest pizza he could afford after Jeonghan threatened to tell everyone about their nonexistent cuddle. He'd let him, really, but Wonwoo doesn't deserve that.  

"Here are Seungcheol-hyung's notes," Jeonghan had asked for Jihoon's. Soonyoung had taken one look at his notebook, saw the lazy sprawl that was Jihoon's incomprehensible writing, and lent Seungcheol's instead. “Oh, and ‘citron tea for my Jisoo'", Soonyoung recites from his phone, snickering a little when Joshua pales, and then reddens. He takes the jar Soonyoung hands him and then abruptly turns to the kitchen. Even from behind his ears are red. "His words, hyung. Not mine!" Soonyoung yells.

When he comes back he's back to his normal countenance, holding up two mugs of tea. He hands one to Soonyoung.

For some reason, Joshua waits for Soonyoung to bring the cup to his lips, have his first gulp, before: "So, Wonwoo," Soonyoung subsequently chokes, spluttering tea everywhere. Joshua helps him through it, the whole minute of Soonyoung simultaneously coughing and wiping surfaces where his spit landed, looking guilty. Soonyoung couldn't get mad even if he wanted to, not when Joshua's actually sincere, just terrible at knowing the right time to say groundbreaking shit like mentioning Wonwoo’s name with the ease of someone who doesn’t know the gravity of what it implies.  

"I shouldn't have done that," Joshua says when Soonyoung's back to breathing normally.

"You shouldn't have done that," Soonyoung agrees, but he isn't mad. "To answer your question, yes, we're fine," 

"I didn't ask a question," Joshua is smiling, amused.

"Shut up," Soonyoung says, cheeks warm. He averts his gaze from Joshua's smug grin and it lands on a stray sock under the coffee table. He forces it to stay there. The sock is blue, looks clean, and obviously Jeonghan's. He's conjured up the most bizarre theories of how it got there before Joshua finally elaborates:

"It's great," Joshua starts, and when Soonyoung looks back at him he seems to struggle to find the word he's going to continue with. Most days Joshua reverts to this, like he's still the 10 year old immigrant Soonyoung never met but heard of in Jeonghan’s stories. Jeonghan's usually around to hand-hold him through it, finishing his sentences for him. But he's not here, so Soonyoung waits, patiently, fascinated by the weird brightness of Joshua's eyes, until finally he says, "It's been long. I think it's great you're talking again,"

Soonyoung snorts, because he's still bitter. A little angry, if he were to be honest with himself. 

"It's been just three months, hyung," 

"That's too long a time to not talk to a friend, Soonyoung-ah. You know that,"

Soonyoung would say, _We talked, though?_ but that would be a lie even Joshua would find absurd. They haven't been talking. At least, not like before. Wonwoo had drifted ever since he'd pulled Soonyoung away from the party that summer night, crowded him against the nearest wall he could find, leaned in to press his lips against his cheeks, grinning so much his teeth grazed skin. He was drunk, ridiculously so, and he smelled of it. Soonyoung scrunched his nose in distaste and pushed, not too much to topple his lightweight ass over but strong enough to relay a message. You smell bad, was what he meant by it. 

Wonwoo thought differently. He'd closed off, eyes dimming, and turned around to walk away. Soonyoung would've run after him if it weren't for the fact that his entire world had just been thrown off axis, recalibrated. 

"It's Wonwoo," Soonyoung says, doesn't elaborate. Jeonghan was there; he saw it happen. Him seeing everything would mean Joshua would know, too. "He was the one who pushed me away," Figuratively, at least. 

Joshua reaches out a hand to wipe at the corner of Soonyoung's lip, oddly tender. The tea his finger gets there he wipes on Soonyoung's shirt. "And you let him," He says quietly.

 

*

 

By the time Soonyoung realises he has in fact not walked straight to his place and instead segued, like he's always done in the past, to Jihoon and Wonwoo's shared apartment, he's already knocking on the door. The sound is loud against the deserted hallway. Soonyoung fidgets, weirdly nervous, and is about to turn and run away when the door opens to reveal Wonwoo, the only thing missing from his nest of a hair the bird that's been living in it. 

"Who...?" Wonwoo is squinting.

Soonyoung removes the hood covering half his face and grins. "Yo."

Wonwoo's only reply is a big yawn he doesn't bother hiding. He practically exhales against Soonyoung’s face, the little shit. He steps back to let Soonyoung in, gropes around surfaces he passes by for his glasses, and goes straight to the bathroom. When he comes back his hair's back to normal, his eyes wide and un-squinting. 

"Sorry for disturbing you," Soonyoung says, because he is. He hasn't come up with a decent excuse to even be here in the few minutes Wonwoo spent in the bathroom. He'd listened, heard the loud running water, the silence that followed as Wonwoo probably washed his face, and stayed still. 

"It's okay," Wonwoo replies, even as he yawns again. He walks over to pick up the blanket and pillow he'd discarded in front of the TV, and places them on the couch, beside Soonyoung. "I needed to wake up from my nap, anyway,"

"Jihoonie?"  

"Out with some friends, I think," Even Wonwoo's confused. Out of everyone they know only 2 of them have enough time on their hands for Jihoon to even consider hanging out with, and one of them's Soonyoung. "You know what, I actually don't know,”

Soonyoung laughs, reminds to ask Jihoon about his absence later. A quiet settles between them, and it’s the uncomfortably stifling one, like summer heat with no respite. Soonyoung forgets to respond, Wonwoo forgets to sit down somewhere and instead stays suspended in front of him, unmoving and out of place. It's suffocating, how awkward they are with each other now. Soonyoung used to go here and do nothing and it wouldn't feel as awkward as this. As sad as this.

"I hate this," Soonyoung says, finally, and he's surprised by how vulnerable he sounds. He keeps his eyes trained on the floor.

"Our carpet? I like it just fine,” Is what Wonwoo the dumbass replies with, because how else does he deal with shit like this than by being the annoyingly irrational kind of person he is when faced with a problem he needs to face head on. 

Soonyoung laughs anyway, despite everything. He looks up and Wonwoo's grinning down at him, proud of his little joke. Soonyoung practically hears him huff, See me diffuse the tension? Great, right? 

_I'm not ready to have this conversation right now_ , he's saying, basically. Soonyoung would say, when will you ever be ready for anything? but he decides against it. Wonwoo’s hand is trembling, a little, when he pokes at the skin between Soonyoung's eyes. He scoops up his blanket and pillows and walks silently to his room. 

Fuck, Soonyoung thinks, first. And then, But what if I don't want to forget?

What he yells out instead: "It's an ugly color and you and I know it! Stop agreeing to whatever Jihoon tells you, he doesn't know a thing about decor!"

From across the hallway, he hears Wonwoo's laugh, loud and clear and real.

 

*

 

Minghao lives so ridiculously close to campus Soonyoung races Seokmin to it on Friday. On foot, because why not. Not a good plan, apparently; by the time they've entered into the chaos that is a crowd of inebriated students all trying to morph into one big loud mass, they're out of breath, sweating, and ready to pass out. Seokmin doesn't pass out, but he does latch onto Minghao's back singing Happy Birthday My Dear Myungho at the top of his lungs the moment he sees him, smothering his face in the space between Minghao's shoulderblades. Minghao pushes him away half-heartedly, mock glaring. Soonyoung lets them be and makes a beeline to the one corner he knows he'd see Jihoon at. 

He's already pink in the cheecks, Jihoon, head slotted against the junction where Jeonghan's neck met his shoulder. 

"Ran a marathon?" he asks Soonyoung, grimacing at the gleam of sweat on Soonyoung’s neck. 

"Actually, yes," Soonyoung grimaces back, feeling sticky all over. "Where's everyone else?"

Jeonghan makes a vague hand gesture that encompassed everyone in the living room. "Somewhere,"

“Great, thanks,” 

Junhui is the only who gets it, of course. "He's by the back, I think? I saw him with Seungcheol-hyung a while ago,"

He's not by the back, Soonyoung finds. Or in the kitchen, or in the bathroom, or anywhere Soonyoung casts his eyes on.He makes his way back to where his friends were, the music and the lights making him dizzy; he’s been pushed around more than he’d successfully dodged, and the entire thing is making him miserable, amongst other things. He feels hot, even after he's shed his jacket to Seokmin who was busy shivering his way across the floor.

"I couldn't find him," he tells them. Junhui's gone, replaced by Joshua who offers him his cup. "No thanks,"

"It's fruity!" Joshua’s awfully giggly, eyes brighter than they’ve ever been. 

Soonyoung opens his mouth to decline again, eyes catching on something red. There's a head taller than everyone else, and it floats across the crowded living room floor. Beside it, the familiar messy crown of Wonwoo's head.

"You know what," Soonyoung says, and reaches for Joshua's drink. "Thanks,"

He follows them to the kitchen. Wonwoo's nowhere to be seen, and it's just Mingyu holding a cup of his own, body leaned back against the counter. He's looking out the window above the sink, distracted. The red of his hoodie burns against Soonyoung's eyelids, even as he closes them.

"How does that even fit you?" Soonyoung finds himself saying, at the same time he hears Wonwoo hear from behind, "Here, I got you a towel," 

Soonyoung absolutely does not shriek when Mingyu turns around and he sees the trail of blood running down his philtrum, his chin, the column of his neck, except he did and Wonwoo doesn't even pay him attention, just hurries past him to shove the towel against Mingyu's skin, tilting his head back. The hand on the back of Mingyu's head is something Soonyoung pointedly ignores.

"Nosebleed," Wonwoo explains, patting down Mingyu's face. "Know how to stop them?"

Soonyoung's cup is empty by the time he remembers to reply. "Nope."

Mingyu's face is clean by then, the only evidence of the morbid sight the stain on his collar. Otherwise he looks as attractive as ever, how the fuck.  

Of course Soonyoung says the last part out loud, because filters don't work when he's had a drink, apparently. He shoots Mingyu a glare when he so much as looks shy at Soonyoung's admission; Mingyu shrinks in on himself.

Wonwoo is snickering against the back of the hand he isn't using to wet the towel in the sink. The towel goes back to Mingyu's face. Mingyu sits there, unmoving. There's a stain on the skin under Wonwoo's jaw, unnoticeable if Soonyoung hadn't been staring hard enough; he was, and now the sight is hard to ignore. He reaches for it. 

"What--" Wonwoo starts, as Soonyoung swipes it clean with a thumb. Soonyoung wipes it against Mingyu's pants. 

"You missed a spot," Soonyoung explains, mumbling. The ground is blurry, all of a sudden. When he looks back up everything else is blurry, except the concerned look on Wonwoo's face, unmistakeable even with the mist in his eyes. Everything is hurting, for some reason, and not just because of the loud music that’s been progressively deafening him all throughout the night.

"Soonyoung..." he hears Wonwoo say. The next part is swallowed by the yell Mingyu lets out as Wonwoo accidentally pokes him in the eye. 

Soonyoung slips away, taking both of Wonwoo and Mingyu's drinks, as Wonwoo fusses over Mingyu in panic. 

 

*

 

The air is cool outside. So cool he's shivering against the grass, back wet and uncomfortable. He'd stand if he could, really. Jihoon hasn't been receiving his calls so he'd stayed where he is, waiting for the world to stop spinning around him enough to properly focus. The quiet helps sober him, a little; from this far Minghao’s house is more bassline and less party music and yelling over to have people hear what you’re saying.

“Hey, Soonyoung,”

“Go away," Soonyoung is quick to reply, turning away from Wonwoo's voice. Maybe if he pretended to pass out Wonwoo'd go away.

He doesn’t, of course. Soonyoung turns back and sees Wonwoo lie down beside him, pink in the face. 

"He's such an attractive man, Wonwoo-ya," Soonyoung finds himself rambling, eyes getting misty all over again. This is why he never drinks, fuck. It's like even the state of the grass he's currently crushing under his weight could set him off. 

Wonwoo's shoving his wet hands against Soonyoung's wet cheeks, pushing in. "Shut the fuck up, Soonyoung," he says, not unkindly, but it makes Soonyoung pause. Not the language, exactly, but the pained wince that's taken a residence on Wonwoo's face, ever present when he so much as bring Mingyu up. 

"Sorry,"  

The hands go from pushing to just being there, warm against Soonyoung's cheeks. Wonwoo has his eyes closed, vulnerable. "It's okay,"

Now or never, Soonyoung decides, ignoring the warning bells in his head. "When you told me you loved me," he starts, and it's as cautious as he could get. 

Wonwoo is quick to open his eyes at that, alarmed. He looks ridiculous, eyes comically wide, cheeks so pink they look like they’d radiate warmth, if touched. It’s a sight Soonyoung doesn’t have enough time to appreciate because at the next moment the hands go back to pushing him back, this time with enough force to push him away. The world flips when he lands on his back and all he sees is the dark of the night, not the stricken look on Wonwoo’s face; it takes him ages to realise Wonwoo's trying to escape, and failing: he’s pushed himself up on his knees only to flop back down. He wouldn’t go far with how sluggish he’s moving.

Soonyoung pulls him back, and then pulls himself up, and then they're face to face, knees wet and hair littered with grass. 

"I said I liked you, you dumbass," Wonwoo grits out. He tries pulling himself out of Soonyoung's grasp, to no avail. Soonyoung's got an entire hand wrapped around Wonwoo's thin wrist; there's nothing he can do. "And it was an accident, forget about everything," Because Wonwoo’s not only unnecessarily honest when inebriated but also prone to eccentric habits, he snaps his fingers in front of Soonyoung’s eyes. ”Here, voila. It should have been erased from your memory by now,"

Soonyoung snorts. "Yeah, yeah. Like I'd ever forget you saying, ‘Kwon Soonyoung, you are the love of my life, I'd hate--'" 

"STOP SAYING SHIT SOONYOUNG,"

"'--to never see your beautiful face again,'" Soonyoung continues, while Wonwoo's reddens in the face. 

“That wasn’t what I said and you know that,” Wonwoo deadpans. “I’m pretty sure Jeonghan-hyung has proof,”

Ironically enough, the thought makes him smile. Jeonghan doesn’t have proof, but he’d been near enough to see everything happen. It wasn’t as if they’d just stopped talking altogether, after. Wonwoo still hung out with him when he had the chance, but easily slipped away with some excuse as quickly as he’d arrived. The afternoons spent studying at the place Seungcheol worked at turned into waiting for Wonwoo to arrive, get his to-go, and leave. He wasn’t avoiding him, at least not blatantly; he’d just stopped seeing any reason to stay. He’d started compartmentalising, drifting away from the familiar now that he’d shaken the entirety of where his and Soonyoung’s friendship stood, and where it was supposed to head to. And Soonyoung had let him, like Joshua had been right about. It’s not everyday you deal with a bestfriend telling you they loved you, after all. Swamped with exams he’d spent every waking day pushing everything in, denying its existence, wishing he’d known what right thing to say back. And it wasn’t as if he didn’t know what to say. Just the right way to say it, to not fuck everything up further. It’s hard enough to have Wonwoo stay, even harder to tell him something he’d probably convinced himself otherwise already, because that’s just how Wonwoo is. It’s easier to just let him be, wait for him to go back to you.  

"When I said I hated this," Soonyoung says now, letting his hands fall from Wonwoo's wrist. He looks down and doesn’t miss the way Wonwoo retracts his hands, forms loose fists. Wonwoo doesn't run away immediately, a good sign. "I meant how awkward we are now,"

Wonwoo nods like he understands. Soonyoung is inclined to think he hadn’t been the only one dying those few months. 

"Nobody said anything about me needing to forget, Wonwoo-ya," Soonyoung continues, readies himself to actually look at Wonwoo's face, meet the fear in Wonwoo's eyes. He's scared, both of them are, but Wonwoo apparently more so. 

"Stop saying shit, Soonyoung," Wonwoo is frowning.

It's hard to tell the truth when Wonwoo's defensive like this, unwilling to hear past Soonyoung's semi-drunk rambling to know what lies underneath, the truth there. 

His exact words were, "Ya, Soonyoung-ah," Wonwoo was holding his hands, grip weak but with purpose, fingers cold and trembling slightly. He was also red in the face then, breath smelling of alcohol Jeonghan had coerced him into drinking too much of. Wonwoo had leaned in, mouth puckered up to kiss Soonyoung's cheeks; teeth had grazed his skin. "I like your soft cheeks, but not more than I like you as a whole," Wonwoo was a terrible flirt, shit at pick up lines, but hell would Soonyoung deny that he'd felt his heart skip a beat. "Soonyoung-ssi, what do you think about kissing?"

Soonyoung could say what he’d wanted to, all this time. Have Wonwoo figure this stuff on his own instead of having to corner him like this, spoon feeding stuff he should’ve noticed ages ago if he looked hard enough. It’s not as if Soonyoung’d been discreet about anything, anyway. 

Instead Soonyoung says, "My lips are as soft as my cheeks, you know,"

It's no surprise how hard Wonwoo shoves him back after that. The laugh that leaves him is a little out of breath. Wonwoo is saying something about his insensitive ass and inability to read a mood, and Soonyoung’s closed his eyes against the spinning of everything around him to see how serious Wonwoo is being, but it’s not as if he couldn’t hear the laughter in Wonwoo’s voice, even with his otherwise rough treatment of Soonyoung’s lightweight ass. 

Soonyoung dares to open his eyes, feeling brave.

It’s dark, at first. And then: Wonwoo's face, looming over his. Like magic.

 

*

 

“Now that we’re dating,” Soonyoung is saying, eyes still on the door Mingyu’s exited at. “Could you maybe possibly get your hoodie back?” Mingyu’s wearing it again today. It’s like he never washes the thing, what the fuck.

“Now that we’re dating,” Wonwoo mimics, and when Soonyoung turns back to look at him he’s got this annoyed look on his face, as if he’s allergic to everything Soonyoung says when it comes to Mingyu. “Could you maybe possibly stop teasing him so much? What even is there to gain, Kwon Soonyoung?” 

Soonyoung opens his mouth to respond. Wonwoo beats him to it, a hand against his lips. “You know what, you don’t need to answer that.”

Soonyoung shrugs, doesn’t do anything against the palm on his lips.  

“Also my red hoodie’s with you, remember? You never returned it.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> title is from this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oGlCGSSvHg), pls give it a listen! it's a fav ♥


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